Having self-doubt, feeling inadequate, or not good enough are all normal feelings that everyone feels at some point in their lives. It’s how you let these affect you and your relationships that promote your insecurities. Meaningful Minds Psychologist Bernadett discusses this topic in more detail.
People feel insecure in romantic relationships, at work, amongst family and friends or even with themselves; when they haven’t achieved goals or reached dreams that they had set out in the past. Other feelings of insecurity stem from people not liking the way that they look, not feeling that they are smart or even due to matters regarding money and status. Most insecure people also have low self-esteem and low self-confidence.
How can you avoid self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy and therefore your insecurities?
Awareness: Being aware of which people or which situations are making you feel insecure, is the first step to understanding why you are feeling this way, which will in turn help you to change the way you think and feel about yourself.
Value yourself and build your self-esteem: Focus on your positive traits, such as being friendly, funny, helpful, trustworthy, kind. Think of how you can make others feel. You may be supportive, may make others feel good about themselves, you may be a true friend, think of all the good you bring to your relationships. Like yourself without seeking other’s approval, if you depend on others to feel good about yourself, you lose your power. Remember that having good self-esteem and being self-confident will attract other people to you.
Let go of negative core beliefs: These are often shaped from within your culture and your society. Although it’s very important to have values and goals, you shouldn’t allow for negative core beliefs. Core beliefs are not based on facts and they can be changed. You allow yourself to believe that you are not good enough, you also have the power to not let these negative core beliefs manage your life. A simple and effective way to acknowledge and be aware of these is to make a list of all of your negative core beliefs and replace them with positives. Keep reminding yourself of the positives.
Avoid perfection: When you have mental images and hold beliefs of what you perceive to be perfect, you compare your current self to those mental images and beliefs. This will result in you judging yourself, feeling unimportant and even rejecting the person that you are. You don’t have to be perfect; you just have to be the best version of yourself. When you remind yourself of this, and apply it to your daily life, you will be on your way to letting go of those insecurities. You will also become more accepting of the person that you are. You will be more relaxed and as a result, you will become a happier person.
What you imagine isn’t reality: How you imagine to be perceived by other people may not be how others really see you. Often, people will point out what they perceive as being negative, such as weight, skin conditions amongst others, this, when other people have not even noticed changes in their weight or noticed that pimple on their chin. People tend to emphasise and exaggerate on the things that they feel insecure about. Remember, other people have insecurities of their own and they very rarely see your insecurities.
Stop comparing: Stop comparing yourself to other people and stop comparing present relationships to current relationships. Other people live other lives, comparing yourself to others isn’t fair on them, much less on yourself. Focus on yourself, on your battles and on your achievements. You are living one life, your life, not everyone else’s life. When you accept this, you will feel more confident with the person that you are, you will hold less feelings of insecurity.
Avoid comparing past relationships to current relationships. All relationships are different and the moment you focus on the positives in your current relationship, you will have less need to compare, you will also feel a greater sense of security within your current relationship. Don’t let your insecurities make you grow apart, rather focus on the good and grow together.
Avoid people who make you feel insecure: Avoid any person who makes you feel unworthy or insecure. Rather surround yourself with people who make you feel comfortable, who allow for you to be authentic and leave you feeling at peace with yourself. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you. Being around people who compare and negatively criticise, will leave you feeling drained and will only make you feel more insecure about yourself and your relationships. Be around people who love and accept you and your personal growth. Make time for family, friends, your interests, your goals and try reaching your own financial independence.
Take time for self-care: Take time for self-care and for personal growth outside your relationships. Implement self-care every day, do things that fulfil you mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Go out and enjoy the sunshine, read, exercise, take a nap, listen to music, buy yourself a gift, call an old friend, travel if you can, compliment another person, do the things that make you happy and don’t feel guilty for doing them. Self-care assists in building your self-esteem and self-confidence it also pushes your insecurities away. Water your own garden and don’t expect or wait for other people to water it for you.
If you would like to speak to a psychologist to discuss this further please contact us at Meaningful Minds Psychologists - firstname.lastname@example.org/ 0817594849/0116151030